Me, The Serial Procrastinator

I always waited for motivation to magically appear, and while waiting, got distracted by so many other things. I pushed everything until the last minute, and promised myself, I’ll do better next time.

In high school, it didn’t affect me much. Last minute studying for exams on calculations and memorizing facts came naturally to me. What I used as an excuse was : I work better under pressure.

But when I got into Institut Kesenian Jakarta after graduated, I was thrown in a completely different ball game. What worked for me in high school just didn’t work there. What used to be exact calculations and theories suddenly turned into blank canvases and empty pages. Assignments came with endless possibilities of shapes, colors, and movement. There were no exact formulas, no right or wrong answers. Yet I was so arrogant to believe that I could somehow pull off every assignment at the last minute. Ironically, no matter how talented I thought I was, blank canvases with no rules or clear formulas demanded that one thing I didn't give. Time. Even when I managed to finish things at the last minute, they never turned out the way I wanted.

Not to mention the distractions that came with art school, the endless conversations, hanging out with friends, random creative ideas, and somehow always finding something more exciting to do than the assignment waiting in front of me. It was crazy chaos, and I struggled a lot.

When the 1998 riots happened and were followed by the economic crisis, life took me in a completely different direction. I didn’t end up finishing art school and found myself starting over. I enrolled at London School of Public Relations to study public relations and marketing. After the uncertainty and open ended nature of art school, I felt like I returned to my comfort zone, a place where things have clearer structures and formulas to follow.

PR studies turned out to be far more useful than I had expected. They opened doors to freelance opportunities and allowed me to jump from one project to another. And if I’m being honest, short term projects worked well for me. They felt manageable, easier to navigate, and a lot less intimidating than staring at a blank canvas with endless possibilities.

Funny enough, after a while I found myself running a small audiovisual production company with some old friends from art school. I went back into creative world, from a different door, but with the same old challenges. Being part of the team gave me more responsibilities, and I needed to become someone people could rely on. Projects needed to be delivered, my team’s credibility was on the line, and to be honest... we also needed the money :-) With the economic crisis still lingering at the time, we often found ourselves working with strict deadlines and limited budgets. I had no choice but to become more disciplined. I simply couldn’t afford to leave things until the last minute anymore.

The friends I worked with were really generous and always happy to share their creative process whenever I asked. Before long, I found myself producing, creating graphics, doing editing, digital coloring, and even stepping behind the camera. My passion for creative work was still very much alive, and they helped me open the door back into a creative world I still loved.

Procrastination and distractions were still very much part of me, but somewhere along the way, I found a way to keep them from taking over. I would write entire projects down so I could see the bigger picture with more clarity, then start planning my moves by breaking big tasks into smaller, manageable steps. I mapped out timelines and followed them diligently.

I cut down noise and distractions and told myself: everything else can wait. I remembered the one thing I had learned the hard way : Blank canvases couldn’t be finished overnight. Ideas needed time. Creative work needed time to take form.

Smartphones, time management apps, tablet and AI didn’t exist yet, and laptops were nowhere near as fast or convenient as they are today. So I relied mostly on pen and paper. Without realizing it, I found my productivity tool. I had already started journaling but I just didn’t call it that back then. To me, it was simply a notebook filled with projects, deadlines, ideas, and plans. I wasn’t writing about my feelings, tracking my habits, or documenting my life. I didn't even decorate the book or make it look good. I was just trying to stay on top of things, make sure I finished the job and didn’t let people down.

Now that I’m in my motherhood era with three teenagers, I’ve noticed something about myself. On days when life is less busy, I tend to just flow with whatever shows up during the day and become less diligent with my journaling routine. My boys have grown up into quite independent teenagers, and there are less urgent things demanding my attention. There’s a temporary relief, with no schedules or deadlines to think about, no pressure to finish anything or move toward something. But over time, I noticed that days can quietly turn into weeks, and weeks into months, without anything feeling particularly memorable. I wasn’t necessarily doing nothing; I was simply drifting from one thing to the next without much intention or direction.

I found that journaling gives my goals a shape, and it seems to work best when there’s something I’m moving toward. Writing things down turns blurred ideas into something I can actually see. It gives direction to days that would otherwise pass by with the feeling that time moved faster than ever.

So nowadays I create little projects for myself, defining goals not only for the things that make me money, but also for the person I want to become. Learning something new. Building healthier habits. Creating more. Being more present. Growing in ways that may not show immediate results, but still matter. Don't get me wrong, I still procrastinate sometimes and get distracted by other things, even now. Even when I’m journaling :-D. I don’t think that part of me will ever completely disappear. It’s just that it no longer threatens things that matter the most.

Thank you dear friends, for reading this far, have a good day :-)

Honest Pages 2026

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